Inviting Japanese people for dinner

    1. Ask explicitly what they really like
    When Japanese are invited to dinner and asked what they like, they usually answer that they like all kinds of foods, and when asked what they would like to order at a restaurant, they usually say that they would leave the choice to their counterpart. But the fact is that there are something they do not like. So it is recommended to confirm whether they would prefer Japanese food or French food and to suggest that they choose their own favorite food from the menu.

    In addition, in Japan, there is a kind of ceremony to do Kanpai or "cheers" or a "toast" by sharing one or several bottles of beer even if you really do not like to drink beer. Furthermore, Japanese usually pour beer if someone's glass becomes empty and it is polite if the person who is having their glass refilled lifts the glass to assist the pourer. Therefore, even if your Japanese counterpart says that they would like to drink beer, this does not necessarily mean that they would like to continue drinking beer all night. Beer is just a first drink for doing Kanpai . Sometimes sake replaces the role of beer. In another sense, such beer or sake does not belong to any drinker, they should be shared by everybody.

    2. They decline your invitation in a very vague way
    In Western countries, if you would like to decline someone's invitation, it is polite to say something concrete. However, in Japan it is believed not to be so polite to say in business that you have a dinner engagement with your wife.

    Roughly speaking, in Japanese conversation many things are said vaguely and it is OK. For instance, if you ask your neighbor "Where are you going?", your neighbor would answer you "Chotto sokomade" or "I'm going somewhere". If you ask your colleagues "Why can't you come with me tonight?", they would reply, "I have a little thing to do". All these are acceptable in Japanese language and culture.

    3. Express their gratitude
    In Japan, the day following the dinner, Japanese would usually say "Thank you for yesterday's dinner" when they meet the person who invited them. So if some Japanese lacking in international experience invite some Westerners, and if such Westerners do not say anything when they meet again the next day, Japanese would think that they are not polite.

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Contact: mike@uniconpro.co.jp for comments and questions